Youma's Paradise (Takeoff! Parody! Crap to read!)
by Tuxedo Jack
Summary: A Weird Al-esque takeoff of "Gangsta's Paradise". Let's just say it involves youma, the shitennou, and a whole lot of stupidity...


"Another fanfic?!? What are you smoking?!?!?" - Avanent  
  
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Youma's Paradise  
Another crappy songfilk courtesy of Tuxedo Jack  
To the tune of "Gangsta's Paradise"  
  
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AS I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY WHERE I HARVEST MY GRAIN, I TAKE A  
LOOK AT MY DISCLAIMER AND REALIZE IT'S VERY PLAIN: This songfic is my  
property. Whoever owns "Gangsta's Paradise" owns it, and I make no  
claim on it. Hell, I wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot clown pole.  
Sailor Moon and all SM-related characters and the SM stuff herein  
belongs to Takeuchi Naoko-sama.   
  
But I ain't never punched a reviewer even if he deserved it...  
An author with a 'tude, you know that's unheard of...  
  
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As I walk through the city where I collect energy  
I take a look at my life and realize it's crappy  
But that's just perfect for a youma like me,  
You know I hate those goody-two-shoes like Serenity  
  
At four thirty in the morning, I'm draining gals,  
Nephrite romances that Molly and Zoisite tal-  
-Lies  
The amount of Nega-Energy that we have brought in  
It's usually not enough for Beryl's chaos and sin  
  
I'm a youma of the Negaverse, I'm really into darkness  
Got a blastsword on one hand and I can make a big mess  
And if I drain enough energy, and you drain some more,  
Then perhaps that annoying Sailor Moon will knock upon Death's door  
  
Been spending most my life working in a youma's paradise  
Attacked the Senshi once or twice livin' in a youma's paradise  
I have been bitchslapped thrice livin' in a youma's paradise  
We'll sell your soul at half price livin' in a youma's paradise  
  
Sailor Moon kicked my sorry butt last night  
I just smiled at her and I really began to fight  
I was quite neat, I didn't make a mess,  
In fact, I cut a set of holes in the front of her dress!  
  
But I ain't never drained a human if he didn't deserve it,  
But a youma with no 'tude, you know that's unheard of  
I never fight dirty but I have crushed some skulls,  
And my homies agree I really fight like two bulls  
Fool  
If you come to visit, you be tortured to tears,  
We haven't even had our rabies shots in five hundred years  
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare,  
We're just conscientiously impaired  
  
There's no phone, no lights, no motorcars  
Not a single Earthling,  
Like any youma's dream,  
It's as demonic as can be  
  
Been spending most my life livin' in a youma's paradise  
Working for four generals livin' in a youma's paradise  
Going to the Nega-Mall which is in a youma's paradise  
But I cut off my Nega-balls somewhere in a youma's paradise  
  
Hitchin' up the ol' cape  
Draining lots of energy  
Jadeite dusted on Monday  
Soon there'll be one less me  
Think you're really powerful  
Think you'll kick some butt  
Well, I know that you'll never get past the first cut!  
  
I'm the kickass guy the little youmas wanna be like  
On my knees day and night, kissing butt so I won't go fight  
So do not bitch, and don't be whiny,  
Or else I'm gonna get medieval on your heinie!  
  
Been spending most my life livin' in a youma's paradise  
No cure for five-watt lights livin' in a youma's paradise  
We all pick lots of fights livin' in a youma's paradise  
You'd probably think it bites livin' in a youma's paradise  
  
(Choir solo)  
  
BLECH! *Vomit Sounds*  
  
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AUTHOR'S NOTES  
  
My God, two songfics in one day! Must not have spellchecked (never do),  
grammarchecked (likewise), or insanity-checked (can't - I'm too insane  
to tell the difference).  
  
I wrote this during my Chemistry period and my following homeroom period,  
the latter of which is a useless period which I use to play Quake III  
Arena. That, and browse FF.net with a fine-toothed comb.  
  
Anyone who's interested can suggest characters for the MSTing of   
"Pokemon: The Next Pikachu". I'm not using the Satellite of Senshi for  
it, as their schedule is overbooked already... I'm leaning towards  
Fam (from Ruin Explorers), Ranma (yep, he and Kodachi are leaving the  
Satellite), Kodachi, and Bill Clinton. Yes, you read that right.   
Ex-President of the United States William Jefferson Blythe Clinton.  
*Bill Clinton enters and whispers something in my ear* No, Bill, I  
will _NOT_ let you get 69s from the cast members! Geez! *Clinton leaves*  
(Grumbling) Horny freak...  
  
Ja ne!  
  
Tuxedo Jack  
Tuxedojack@juno.com  
  
http://www.angelfire.com/gundam/SatelliteSenshi  
  
"No, no, wait, wait, wait!!!! DON'T DO THAT!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!" - Me 


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